there’s a news headline generator that mixes words from real news headlines and they are fucking golden
these sound completely legit
WHY IS THE FUTURE
I touch myself whenever I think about you. More specifically, I rub my temples because I get a headache because you’re awful.
*flicks holy water on you* leave
This is Princess Dead Pool. My 3 year old told me EXACTLY how she wanted the costume to look and walked me through the entire thing, bossing me around. It was so much fun.
Always reblog Princess Deadpool.
"Ninja’s stole my mama!"
"I totally saw a fox do this on National Geographic. How hard can it be?"
Gospels from the mouth of DanRad
Fuck it, he’s Harry Potter
This is not my beautiful house
This is not my beautiful wife
My favorite band is this little group of newts I found under a log in the woods who play tiny trumpets made from hollow reeds and twigs
Oh yea I bet you can’t name 5 of their songs
1. Doot Toot
2. tiny fern
3. do NOT eat mushrooms you just find in the woods
4. broken heart broken trumpet
5. George Costanza is my hero
WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID THAT NOT HAPPEN!?
All hail King Joffrey Baratheon, First of His Name, King of the Andals and the Rhoynar and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realm